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Matt.

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Status Updates posted by Matt.

  1. Matt.

    My guts are bubbling hard today … future is looking pretty fucking bleak right now.

    1. Show previous comments  4 more
    2. Ghent

      Ghent

      Tablespoons mixed with water

    3. Matt.

      Matt.

      I started last night, feeling a little bloated today but not bad. I assume that’ll go away once my system gets better.

    4. Ghent

      Ghent

      Took me a couple weeks to adjust. The diarrhea started to cluster into orange metamucil clumps, like a metamorphosis into a real turd  lol

  2. Matt.

    We said “don’t let the door hit your ass”!

    1. _Bagel

      _Bagel

      Bye bro

    2. Matt.

      Matt.

      Relax, guy. It’ll be fine.

  3. Matt.

    I have the weirdest gas this afternoon. My butthole is speaking in tongues.

  4. Matt.

    Ghost fart.

  5. Matt.

    It means culture has gone to shit.

  6. Matt.

    CHIEFS!!!

  7. Matt.

    Let’s fucking go!

  8. Matt.

    Wubba Lubba dub dub, bitches.

  9. Matt.

    Congratulations, Oliver!

  10. Matt.

    It’s a beautiful day.

  11. Matt.

    You've never seen your neighbors take a dump. Boom, Matrix.

    1. Kelsey Kardashian

      Kelsey Kardashian

      Seems like the realization about the groceries really got to you? Din't it?

    2. Matt.

      Matt.

      This was a month ago, Jan. Get yourself together, you fucking embarrassment.

    3. Kelsey Kardashian

      Kelsey Kardashian

      Milk.

  12. Matt.

    Happy May 16th!!!

  13. Matt.

    Day 2 after food poisoning and I’m still afraid to fart.

  14. Matt.

    https://youtu.be/zNWQvhSUbro

  15. Matt.


    Nah, this one.

  16. Matt.

    You guys remember that refrigerator raider commercial? 

  17. Matt.

    I want waffles.

    1. Kelsey Kardashian

      Kelsey Kardashian

      wut brand?

  18. Matt.

    Double Covid and now food poisoning! God hates you!

  19. Matt.

    Try some different notes, Jan.

  20. Matt.

    I suppose it could be “feigning” as well. I wish you wouldn’t force people into guessing games to figure out what the hell you’re talking about, Janet.

  21. Matt.

    The wording you’re looking for is “fiending”, Jan, you fucking idiot.

  22. Matt.

    I stole it from a meme I saw!

  23. Matt.

    I don’t separate my laundry by whites and colored, that’s how NOT racist I am.

  24. Matt.

    I have not had enough coffee.

  25. Matt.

    I have had too much coffee.

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