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A song I wrote when I started seeing this girl and another I wrote after we broke up


Solace

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I'm not looking for feedback or anything, I just thought it was funny looking at the dichotomy and similarities. Anyways:


 


Between the steps I take and my beating heart


I’m steady against your visceral


Theft of anxious stares, your warming hands


Wedged loosely in mine vacant and


I know you’re trying hard, and I’m trying too


I swear I can’t sustain this cool


But I’ll keep my might when I walk you home


Because I hope tonight I will and you won’t


Turn away


Maintain sincere and novelty because I hope when you look up that you won’t


Turn away


I can show you how if you don’t quite know, I can show you how


 


When the river comes, I hold my hand close to me


Because I don’t want you to see just yet


When I stare you down to try to see you give away


A tell that tells your darkest needs


 


And the stairs we take in the steady night


Work to race my heart but I’m keeping sight


Because you’re shivering and I know you well


Your body doesn’t know to quell


My God that’s quite alright, I’m nervous too


I swear I can’t sustain this cool


But I need to show you what I know


And when the night gets old, I will and you won’t


Turn away


A whisper cast into the air, when you hear it, God I hope that you won’t


Turn away


I hate to feel so vulnerable, I know you’d hate to feel


 


I want to hear your secrets love, I want to tell you mine


In a voice that shakes because I don’t have time


I want to hear your secrets love, I want to tell you mine


In a voice that speaks in a stuttered rhyme


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I’d be lying if I said I had better things to do


Than wait outside your house as still and quiet as a mouse


And whisper good night


To the absence of light


 


But I’ve been hoping you’d stir to find me sitting there


To catch the shortest view of you admiring me too


You don’t see the irony


From who I used to be


 


From time to time I seem to find your name behind these written lines


Staring me down keeping around you never kept in fate


It’s poison in my eyes


Despite everything I’ve tried


 


And in the dark I breathe too heavily for some


To soothe the loudest burn that turns in memories discerned


Curse your ghost inside my head


Never blaming me instead


 


It’s taken all I have to hide it from myself


And I’m breaking down in places where I thought that you would be


I need to hear you speak to me say anything at all


It’s better than the anxious sweat I get all by myself


 


I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t really mind


The hand you used to hold is now atrophied and cold


Am I still just killing you


A part of me just hopes I do


 


But I’ve been stolen in these fantasies I get


Where you keep your separate half so warm it never leaves your form


But I reach across the bed


Feeling terrible instead


 


From what I see I seem to be impatiently start to agree


The things I need start to exceed your every painless move


It’s poison in my veins


It’s a challenge to explain


 


And in your eyes I don’t know what I need to do


To break the pattern started in the quietest of eves


Do I softly say hello


Or keep my vision to the floor


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I dig it. I can't get past a first chorus to save my life. I come up with a few combinations of words that I like, and then come up with others that don't fit in the first one but would go great in a new song and then here I am with like six verse-and-first-chorus bits and pieces.


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