Speedo

Hey, guys!

I accidentally saw some shit on youtube and it's fucked me up.

I am fucking bored to fuck.

I am Mattman.

I care about both!

I didn't actually shit my pants.

I do too!

I don’t separate my laundry by whites and colored, that’s how NOT racist I am.

I have a pretty penis, if anyone wants an early present.

I have a surprise!

I have big balls!

I have had too much coffee.

I have not had enough coffee.

I have shit my pants.

I have the weirdest gas this afternoon. My butthole is speaking in tongues.

I have to poop. 

I love hector

I made a garden salad for dinner, it was okay.

I must confess, I still believe ...

I stole it from a meme I saw!

I suppose it could be “feigning” as well. I wish you wouldn’t force people into guessing games to figure out what the hell you’re talking about, Janet.

I want waffles.

I was thinking of getting a bagel this morning.

I'll take you out for breakfast at night and then we'll go to sleep.

I'm a genie in a bottle, baby.